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One Month

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Today is September 9th.  It has been exactly one month since my mom died.  It feels like someone pushed the fast-forward button at that moment and the days have just tumbled on in one continuous jumbled fog since then.  The pain is still physical.  I still cry every single day.  I still feel like I am in a state of shock and disbelief.   I've learned something profound about my heart, however.  Even in the midst of literal hurt and being completely broken, my heart is swollen with abundant and intense gratitude.  I am truly astounded at the ways my family and I have been blessed, supported, and loved over the past four weeks.   Help has come from various sources in numerous forms.  Be it spiritual or temporal from angels seen or unseen, I have felt touched and appreciative of it all.  In addition to countless other cards, notes, messages, emails, texts, and letters, I received this handwritten personal letter ...

I Trust Him

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 It was Levi's 12th birthday on Sunday.  My parents, my sister, and her family traveled up to spend the day with us.  My mom sent a Marco Polo to our sisters group on the drive up so my sister in South Carolina would feel part of the celebration.  We attended church together where Levi and my husband both took the opportunity to share their testimonies.  I taught Gospel Doctrine and then we all witnessed Levi's ordination to the Aaronic Priesthood.  After the ordination, my mom and sister joined my daughter and I in Young Women where I was the guest speaker on the topic of marriage and family.  I looked into my mother's eyes and shared with the Young Women that the reason I have such a deep and abiding testimony of marriage and family is because of my mother's example.  I shared that while I was growing up, I always knew that my parents loved each other.  After church we had a family dinner at our house and Levi opened his gifts.  He...

My Membership

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There is a sorority to which most women become inducted at some point in our lives.  We are a group of women of various ages, backgrounds, and life experience.  It's a sorority wherein nearly all of us that belong do so against our will.  Once you join, you belong for life.  I am 36 years old.  I planned on joining this sorority after another 36 years; after another entire lifetime.  Instead, I joined much, much too early.   Without my permission, I became a member of this sorority last Thursday.  Since then, I have been amazed and overwhelmed by the way the other members of this sorority have reached out to me and comforted me.  These sorority sisters have come forward with an intricate knowledge and empathetic understanding that only those of us that belong can comprehend. Prior to my joining the sorority, I felt sorry for those who belonged.  Now that I belong, I feel pain.  Deep, internal, physical hurt.  It's a cons...